What is trauma?

Trauma is a word we hear a lot these days, and you may wonder what it really means.

Do I have trauma?

Was that traumatic?

Is this “big enough” to count as trauma?

Am I overreacting?

These are questions many people ask themselves.

I hope to explain trauma in a way that feels understandable and compassionate, and to help you recognise whether this resonates with your own experience.

Trauma is not simply the event itself — it is the impact the experience leaves on the body, mind, and nervous system. This is why 100 people can go through the same event, yet only some may experience long-term effects from it. Our nervous systems respond differently depending on many factors, including our previous experiences, the support we had around us, our sense of safety, and whether we were able to process what happened.

Trauma can come from experiences that are sudden and overwhelming, such as accidents, abuse, loss, violence, or medical trauma. But it can also develop through repeated experiences that may seem smaller from the outside — such as growing up feeling emotionally unsafe, unseen, criticised, rejected, ignored, or constantly on edge.

Often people may dismiss their own experiences because “others had it worse” - but what matters is how your nervous system experienced and adapted to what happened.

Big 'T' and small 't' trauma

You may have heard the terms “Big T” and “small t” trauma.

“Big T” trauma usually refers to experiences that are clearly distressing or life-altering, such as serious accidents, assault, abuse, natural disasters, or sudden loss.

“Small t” trauma refers to experiences that may not appear dramatic from the outside, but which still have a significant emotional impact over time. This might include repeated criticism, emotional neglect, bullying, unpredictable parenting, relationship difficulties, feeling unsafe emotionally, or growing up having to suppress your needs. Neither is more “valid” than the other.

In therapy, I often see people minimise their experiences because they believe they were “not bad enough.” Yet many people carrying deep anxiety, shame, hypervigilance, or difficulties in relationships, have experienced ongoing relational or developmental wounds that were never recognised as trauma.

Developmental and Relational Trauma

Trauma does not always come from one specific event.

Sometimes trauma develops slowly through repeated experiences within important relationships, particularly during childhood.

As children, our nervous systems develop through connection with others. When caregivers are emotionally unavailable, inconsistent, frightening, critical, neglectful, or unpredictable, a child may learn that the world does not feel safe — or that they themselves are somehow “too much,” “not enough,” or responsible for keeping others happy.

This can lead to survival responses that continue into adulthood, such as:

• people-pleasing

• perfectionism

• difficulty trusting others

• fear of rejection or abandonment

• emotional numbness

• anxiety or panic

• shutting down emotionally

• feeling constantly on alert

• struggling to rest or relax

• difficulty setting boundaries

  
  

These responses once served a purpose. They were intelligent adaptations to survive emotionally difficult environments.

Why trauma lives in the body

Trauma is not just remembered through thoughts. It is also held within the body and nervous system. When we experience something overwhelming, our nervous system automatically moves into survival responses such as fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. If the experience is not safely processed or resolved, the body can remain stuck in these protective patterns long after the danger has passed.

This is why someone may logically know they are safe, yet still feel anxious, triggered, numb, hyper-alert, emotionally overwhelmed, or unable to relax.

Trauma responses are not signs of weakness - they are signs that the nervous system adapted in order to cope. Your body is working in the way it is meant to in order for you to survive.

Signs you may be carrying unresolved trauma

Many people do not recognise their struggles as trauma-related because they assume trauma only refers to extreme events.

Unresolved trauma can sometimes show up as:

• chronic anxiety or overthinking

• difficulty feeling calm or safe

• people-pleasing or fear of conflict

• emotional overwhelm

• numbness or disconnection

• perfectionism

• burnout

• hyper-independence

• difficulty trusting others

• panic attacks

• low self-worth or shame

• feeling “stuck” in certain patterns

• struggling in relationships

• being highly sensitive to criticism or rejection

  
  

These are not character flaws. They are often nervous system responses shaped by past experiences.

Healing trauma

Healing from trauma is not about “just getting over it.”

It is about helping the nervous system feel safe enough to reconnect, process, and move out of survival mode.

Trauma-informed therapy is not about forcing you to revisit painful experiences before you are ready. It is about creating safety, understanding your responses with compassion, and helping you build regulation, awareness, and connection at a pace that feels manageable for you.

As a trauma-informed integrative therapist, I work gently and collaboratively, recognising that every person’s experience is unique. Healing is not about blaming yourself or others — it is about understanding how your experiences have shaped you, and supporting you in moving towards greater safety, balance, and self-understanding.